I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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