There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
