You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
