peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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