no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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