is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
