Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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