Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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