I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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