Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
