i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
