So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
