i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
