After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
