omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
