I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
