i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
