my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
