Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
