im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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