I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
