tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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