Quick, to the slutcave!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
