Farmville is her only friend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
