Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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