I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
