But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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