New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
