I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
