you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she looked like the before picture.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
