I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh god it's open bar.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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