i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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