I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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