I'm going to jail i love you
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
