Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
