@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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