ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
