Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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