Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.