well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you