every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize