Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
