She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
