So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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