so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
