Already got asked if we're dating
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
