I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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