And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
