I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
