Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
