just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
