Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You made out with two different species that night
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
