I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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