Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a hot homeless man
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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