Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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