I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
