Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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