It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
