if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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