Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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