Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
