I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
