when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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